Hear 4: Lynn - Part 1

Lynn’s story is not an easy one—but it’s a real one.

From her early days making fake IDs in high school to long nights bartending that spiraled into alcoholism, Lynn’s life became a cycle of searching—for stability, for identity, and most of all, for love. After stepping into a more traditional career in human resources, she was faced with a life-changing diagnosis of bipolar disorder, leading to multiple psychiatric hospitalizations in New York.

In the midst of that instability, Lynn turned to survival in whatever ways she could—selling herself online, battling addiction, and mixing alcohol with medication in ways that pushed her into dangerous mental states. Her desire to be loved led her into a marriage she hoped would save her, but instead brought deeper addiction, abuse, and heartbreak.

After hitting rock bottom, including time in prison, Lynn’s story takes a turn. Through faith, the unwavering love of her parents, and a growing sense of self-worth, she begins the long and difficult journey toward healing.

This episode explores the realities of mental illness, addiction, trauma, and the human need for connection—and reminds us that even after everything, change is still possible.

If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
  Call or text 988 (24/7, free, confidential)
• Crisis Text Line
  Text HOME to 741741
• SAMHSA National Helpline (Substance Use & Mental Health)
  1-800-662-HELP (4357)
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
  1-800-799-7233
  Text START to 88788
• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN)
  1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
  1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
• Al-Anon Family Groups (Support for loved ones)
  1-800-344-2666
• 211 Helpline (Local resources & services)
  Dial 211

You are not alone. Support is out there.

Transcript

0:03

Hey, I'm Eric and I'm here for you. This is a story about survival, messy, complicated, and deeply human. Meet Lynn, uh, before anyone ever called her resilient, she was just a teenager trying to find her place, making fake IDs and chasing a sense of belonging wherever she could find it. That search carried her into dim lit bars and long nights behind counters where bartending slowly blurred into dependency and alcohol became less of a choice and more of a companion. But Lynn's story doesn't follow a straight line. It twists through movements of ambition, like stepping into a human resources career, and through moments of reckoning when she was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. What followed were cycles of instability, hospitalizations in New York, and decisions made in desperation, selling herself online, mixing medication with alcohol and slipping into states she could barely recognize as her own. At the center of it all was one quiet, persistent hope to be loved. That hope led her into a relationship she believed would save her a marriage. Born in shared pain. Inside the walls of psychiatric hospital, but instead of healing, she found herself pulled deeper into chaos, addiction, and abuse. And yet this is not where her story ends because somehow through prison heartbreak, through everything that tried to break her, Lynn, found something unexpected, faith, self-worth, and the enduring love of her parents. And from that, a fragile but powerful belief that maybe her life could be different. Please enjoy Lynn's story. I.

Eric 2:07

let me start by asking like, how did it all start for you?

Lynn 2:10

Well, I'm gonna take you back to Brooklyn in the eighties where I'm from originally. that was the years that, David Dinkins was mayor, and there were literally bullets flying in the street as I was walking to school.

Eric 2:21

Wow.

Lynn 2:21

these are the days without internet, is pre-internet. This is a whole different playing field. I mean, even in my days in high school, there's no internet, there's nothing. We went out, we went to dances, we went to plays. we, you know, we hung out with each other. We stayed out all night till our parents looked for us, you know, and it's funny, I was one of the first people in high school to have a beeper or a pager because I had my fake ID business I met a guy at a college party that I was too young to get into. But, I met a guy at a college party and He worked at Queens College and he had a laminated machine. And honestly, we just made Queens College IDs and I was selling them to all my high school friends and we were running the nightclubs, we were running the bars, and it was just a crazy, crazy time. I had a full fledged business. I stole IDs for like 10 bucks a pop. And the$20 ones were the ones that actually had a barcode on the back so it looked more authentic. So that was fun.

Eric 3:19

So I, if I can do you, do you remember how old you were when that started kicking off for you?

Lynn 3:24

I was about 16,

Eric 3:25

Six. Yeah. Wow.

Lynn 3:27

I was in 10th grade. Yeah.

Eric 3:28

So entrepreneur, so young.

Lynn 3:30

You know what's funny? I skipped seventh grade. So we had junior high schools and we had seventh and eighth grade in the junior high school in Queens. They had one ninth grade class, and I went from seventh to ninth grade when I was in junior high school.

Eric 3:42

Wow.

Lynn 3:43

math. I've been, that's why I'm an accountant now. I'm grade at numbers, grade at numbers,

Eric 3:47

so you're technically, you a child genius. You could say that.

Lynn 3:51

I don't wanna go that far because shit got really weird later in my life. So I wouldn't say some of the things that I did qualified me as a genius..

Eric 3:59

So, let's get into that. So you're making these fake IDs. you're going through high school like this. how does that all play out for you?

Lynn 4:07

Well, it's just me. And there were, we had a crew, I had a crew of like five girls in my high school class. And I don't know if you remember, if anybody's listening to this podcast, remember hurling fur Coats? They were like leather coats with like fur on them. And all of us had the same coats. We were the hurling crew and we hit up every nightclub in Queens, Manhattan, Bronx. And, we were selling the IDs. We were all over the place and we had little business cards made up. That was one of my friends Marie, she's Filipino and I miss her so much. I haven't talked to any of them in years, but, she had little business cards made up for us. And, it was on the business call with everybody's beeper number because all five of us had beeper numbers. And on the card it was all our beeper numbers. And it was one word, Lila, L-Y-L-A-S. And that was love. You like a sister?

Eric 4:52

That's amazing. So how long did this business go on?

Lynn 4:56

it went up It went up to when I attempted NYUI, you know, this is my horror story. So I made it into NYU. It's funny'cause I dropped outta high school when I was 17. I had literally six credits to go and I dropped out. This is, you told me I'm a genius, so that's not a genius move. I dropped outta high school and I had six credits to go.'cause I decided to go to work for a living. I got my working papers when I was 14. There was something called a summer youth program in Brooklyn and they gave you a blue card. And this blue card allowed people to hire like teenagers and underage students to work in their offices. So I worked in an insurance office when I was 14 years old, filing, answering phones, and I got my license when I was 16.'cause I paid for my own driving school. I did all of this while I was in high school

Eric 5:46

Wow.

Lynn 5:47

I didn't wanna go to college. I was like, what? Who needs college? I'll just go to work. I have all this experience. Why do I need to go to college? when I dropped out, my dad, my dad is a. Big part of my story. My dad was the influence for everything I did. He can build houses, he's an architect, he can build houses from the ground up. He's the reason why I know numbers so well and he had a series of heart attacks during that time and he was very disappointed that I didn finished high school. And so I got my GED, I did get my GED and I worked that GED so good that I got accepted into NYU. I'm probably the only person that got A GED. My scores were so high that I got into NYU with a GED,

Eric 6:29

You see what I'm saying? It's genius level. you're not giving yourself enough credit.

Lynn 6:35

But what's crazy about that is my downfall, Eric, my downfall are boys. Boys are my downfall.

Eric 6:43

Oh, no.

Lynn 6:44

and that, you know, through NYU. Okay. when I went to NYU, first of all, I wasn't making that much money. I started picking up bartending, and this is when my drinking started. My drinking started when I was in high school with all the nightclubs and everything that I was going to

Eric 6:58

Yeah.

Lynn 6:59

Got so outta control by the time I became a bartender. And a bartender was even easy. you took a six week class, and then they gave you a certificate that said you were a mixologist. So that's what I was, I was a mixologist. I was a 19-year-old mixologist and was at every bar. The most money as a bartender I have ever made were all the strip clubs in New York.

Eric 7:22

yeah.

Lynn 7:22

many strip club, and the, the funny thing is they had buffet tables and I used to think to myself, who goes to a strip club and eats at the damn buffet? It was so gross. I was like, why are you eating at the buffet? Do you know what's in that food? Like, you know whose fingers were touching that food? Like, why are you eating at the buffet? It was just, to me, it was the funniest thing.

Eric 7:43

Well, the steak and shrimp special on Tuesday is for 5 99. That's a deal. You don't beat it.

Lynn 7:48

no, no, no cream of broccoli

Eric 7:51

Oh,

Lynn 7:51

on. That's

Eric 7:52

even better.

Lynn 7:54

Cream of something was going on for sure. But, yeah, I did that while I was in NYU and just boys, so many boys. And I just, I couldn't, I just couldn't. So

Eric 8:06

Oh.

Lynn 8:06

I ended up dropping outta NYU too. And what happened after that was just amazing. I got my first real, Dose of corporate life because I was 19 years old. I had only retail experience and bartending experience, but the retail actually carried me through.'cause when I was 16, and I got my, driver's license, I had proper id. So I started working at the Gap in South Street Seaport in New York. And that was a long train ride from Queens. And, I was a gap greeter. I was, hi, welcome to the Gap. I was one of those people, I swear to God I was one of those people. I worked my way up to managerial position all through the bartending, all through the boys, all through the drinking. I worked up to a manager position. And by the time I finally dropped outta NYUI was like, okay, this is my career. I'm gonna be a manager at the Gap for the rest of my life. but I just, I wanted something more. I wanted something, bigger. So I tried a couple things. This is hilarious. The year was 2000. It was 1999 going into 2000, and I don't know if anybody's old enough to remember people, your listeners, but that was the.com era. So all

Eric 9:20

Oh yeah.

Lynn 9:20

websites were exploding on the market. It just ballooning just all this money was being made on the stock market. And I said, that's where the money is. So

Eric 9:29

Yeah.

Lynn 9:30

I applied to all these chop chops downtown Manhattan. was trading stocks at 20 years old. I was too young to have my license. But

Eric 9:40

Wow.

Lynn 9:40

so young. I was just, I'm just one of these people. I love people. I love talking on the phone. I'm from New York. I could sell, I could sell a grandma her whole life savings I could. the problem with that is, again, the boys, there was not one other female stockbroker. Nowhere in any, there was no other women I had to put up with so much shit

Eric 10:03

Yeah.

Lynn 10:03

much, just so much crap. There were no other women there. so I decided. Again, I decided, I was like, okay, gotta do something else. So I took my numbers and I ran with it I applied from an ad in a newspaper, right,

Eric 10:17

Yeah.

Lynn 10:18

in a newspaper. And I faxed my resume. to this number in the ad, in the newspaper, and I got a call back from, their human resources director. And when I walked into that office, I sold it. I had no experience in payroll. I had no experience in Microsoft Excel. I barely touched Microsoft Word. I barely touched my computer except to go on a OL and Yahoo. I went on a a OL and Yahoo all through the nineties, and I was in every chat room. But, what's funny is I sold it. I had no experience. I had, I sat there in that interview and I sold it to this little old lady. I said, I can do this job. If you did me this job, I can do this job. So at 21 years, 21 years old, in the year 2001, I was making$27 an hour.

Eric 11:05

Wow. I've only been talking to you for 15 minutes and I can tell you are incredible when it comes to pushing yourself. This is insane.

Lynn 11:14

Yeah. Well, you know why I am insane. You know why I can do this? Because I have bipolar disorder. I didn't realize till I had bipolar till 2005.

Eric 11:23

So, so four years after getting the job, that's when you, you came to those terms. Oh wow. I'll tell you, I'll be the first one to tell you came outta left field. I didn't see that coming.

Lynn 11:32

Yeah. that's why I'm so crazy. So a lot of people have bipolar that are thought to be, you know, really outgoing, really happy because bipolar is all about the damn mania. We thrive for the mania and I will tell you one thing I've done cocaine crack, we'll get into that. I've done cocaine, crack, alcohol, all that shit in my life. Nothing. I didn't get addicted to crack or cocaine because bipolar media is the best drug on the planet.

Eric 12:01

When you say that, what is this? Bipolar mania? it is just like this high you get from, from.

Lynn 12:06

Just being crazy. you just get high and you feel like you can do anything. I've always had that feeling when I was younger. That's why I had the fake ID business. That's why, I did what I, all the bartending at NYU, everything that I did, I thought that I could do anything, but I took it to a whole nother level with some of the shit I was hearing and seeing.'cause what happens was between the drinking and I had a boyfriend at the time, again, the boys, so I had a boyfriend at the time get this, he's a lot of fun because I was 21 years old when I met him. He was 36. He was like, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Nonsense. I went through all of that and my drinking just got worse and worse, So I would empty out half a snap of bottle, I think a peach snap or a raspberry Snapple, depending on my mood. I would empty out half of it and put vodka in it, mix it up and ride the train with it to work in the morning.

Eric 13:02

And this was going on from oh one to oh five.

Lynn 13:05

yeah, yeah.

Eric 13:07

Okay. so leading into you coming to terms and realizing you had bipolarism in oh five from 2001 up to oh five. What's the transition there now? Where are you heading off to?

Lynn 13:19

Nowhere. Just nowhere. I will tell you that between oh five and 2019, I was at the mercy of every psych hospital in New York City.

Eric 13:33

Oh

Lynn 13:33

I spent nearly 15 years, just depressed, selling my, I was the original fan, the original only fan girl.'cause I don't feel I was giving it away for free.

Eric 13:45

wow.

Lynn 13:45

I was in every campsite. I was in every website, I was everywhere. And I just sold myself to everyone that I can get online. And I spent 15 years in absolute depression and there was no mania. And when the mania did come, it came because I drank with my medicine. When I had psych medicine, when it was given to me in 2005,

Eric 14:07

Yeah.

Lynn 14:08

I kept drinking and drinking. And every year, for 15 years, I was hospitalized. And it happened all around the same time, around Easter, March, April, around there. I would get hospitalized every year for 15 years.

Eric 14:23

I, can I ask how do you, roughly what age were you at when, when this was going on?

Lynn 14:28

so 25 to 39?

Eric 14:30

Oh man, I, I can't, I can't fathom, what that does to, someone as strong as you. I mean, for someone like me, I, I couldn't, I couldn't bear that kind of weight that's heavy. But for you, it seems like you have such a drive, such a hard wheel, such a strong mindset. for 15 years,

Lynn 14:47

So

Eric 14:47

what.

Lynn 14:48

I fell and it was a lot to do with that relationship I was in when I was at my job because, that guy, he destroyed me. He destroyed everything. I had my self-esteem, everything I was and who I was. And I had my suicide attempt And after that it was just downhill. because my entire life was just to find someone to love the person that I am. I just wanted someone to love me. I've always wanted to be in love, and I tried to find love in all these wrong, horrible places. And no matter how successful I was, no matter how driven I was, I had a hole in my heart that could never be filled with anything,

Eric 15:29

Yeah. And you were just, you were looking for anything at that point. And this, honestly grown ass man just comes in and thinks that he can fill that void and he just strips it from you.

Lynn 15:38

Yeah.

Eric 15:38

that's it. It's horrifically mirrored to what we're seeing right now

Lynn 15:43

yeah.

Eric 15:43

And my apologies mean nothing. Right? I could sit here and say, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you, but, at the end of the day, my words are empty because you experienced it, you went through it. you deal with it daily. you had said an attempted suicide attempt and, talking to you now I can't imagine not having you in the world, right?

Lynn 16:02

Yeah.

Eric 16:02

not being able to tell your story and, hopefully someone out here hears this and understands like maybe they're in the same tough spot that you're in and I know we haven't gotten to other things that are coming. but just to this point, to hear all your accomplishments'cause there's no shortcoming on this one. You accomplished incredible things, even with kind of pulling yourself back, you know, you've done amazing things and to think that that light could be snuffed out is heartbreaking. And I'm just glad that you're still here.

Lynn 16:32

I am, I'm grateful and I'm thankful for that. And thank you so much for your kind words. I, you know, after writing a high all my life and thinking, you know, I wanted to go to space. I mean, I was so good at math. Like,

Eric 16:44

Wow.

Lynn 16:45

when I went to NYU, I was taking quantum mechanics.

Eric 16:47

Wow.

Lynn 16:48

trying to go to space. I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to take my skills and be something bigger than myself. I wanted my dad to see me be the first, I will tell you my background, so I'm Guyanese. So I'm born in New York, but Guyanese is actually a West Indian Caribbean. And my grandmother, has Saudi Arabian roots, like Turkish roots, and my family was Muslim. And, you know. I became Catholic. That's another whole thing. Muslim becoming Catholic, that's a whole nother

Eric 17:16

That's a whole thing.

Lynn 17:17

my heritage was such a big part of who I was and I wanted to be the first. You don't hear much about Guyana. Guyana is a small country in South America. So we got some Portuguese, some Spanish, some we're a mix of things. And you don't hear much about our little country. But I wanted to be the first one to make the difference, to have my voice be the first Guyanese person to do something. I was on my way.

Eric 17:42

So this time gap where you are. you're at the lowest part of your life and yeah, and I'm sorry again on my end. I'm sorry to make you have to think about and relive that.

Lynn 17:52

I've made peace with it because, you know, this day and age, and I think your listeners will appreciate this. I'm watching people live their lives online. You know, they don't go outside, they don't go anywhere. They're talking to Chad, GPT all

Eric 18:06

mm-hmm.

Lynn 18:07

I spent 15 years in a hole like this. it's an epidemic. It really is. All my life was online. I had one or two friends, but I was always online, in my house, in my computer, in chat rooms, in forums, in this and that. I didn't go outside. I didn't socialize with people. It's night and day of what my life is like today, night and day, because. I sympathize with people who feel they can't make friends. They can't go out. I was in that hole. I was 25 years old. I don't mean to talk to people at 25 years old that are sitting in their house right now. You don't wanna wait till you're 39 till you go out and live life. Don't wait till you're 39 to go out and live life. Life doesn't wait for anyone.

Eric 18:52

And to that point, I mean, you've lived outside of those 15 years and before that you've lived quite an amazing life. So I think you're a hundred percent correct in that, you know, this, it is an epidemic. And it's something that we need to address too.'cause it does mess with the psyche and the mental structure of things. and not a lot of people are as strong as you are to bounce back from that.

Lynn 19:13

there's a reason that happened.

Eric 19:15

Oh.

Lynn 19:16

So, my last hospitalization in 2018, I got hospitalized at a hospital on Long Island. And I was in there for 18 months. And the reason for that is my mom and dad had had enough'cause I was drinking while I was taking my pills. And you can't drink on psych meds. You just can't.

Eric 19:38

Yeah.

Lynn 19:39

my mom found all the bottles in my room. And honestly, my mom and dad, they're tough cookies. You know, Guyanese, Caribbean people are tough cookies. They left my ass in there for 18 months.

Eric 19:50

Wow. Wow.

Lynn 19:52

my mom and dad every single day to get me out. They left my ass in there.

Eric 19:57

so is it fair to say the entirety of 2018 and most of 2019 you were there?

Lynn 20:03

I was in a psych ward.

Eric 20:04

Wow. I would be remiss if I didn't ask, how was it?

Lynn 20:08

Horrible.

Eric 20:09

Yeah, no, sounds about right.

Lynn 20:11

horrible. Just horrible, horrible.

Eric 20:14

so to that point. I don't wanna harp on it for too long'cause it is such a traumatic experience for you. But I've read many articles about how difficult it is for even sane people when they get admitted into these type of systems to come out, after a program is completed because they don't really have an appropriate gauge or test to determine who is mentally stable, physically stable, emotionally stable to let them out.

Lynn 20:38

Mm-hmm.

Eric 20:39

was that the, did you find that was the case for you?

Lynn 20:41

That was the case. I had gone on such a crazy, I dunno what, just nonsense to get me in the hospital to begin with. during these 15 years that I was in and outta the hospitals, I had gotten like three car accidents. I had done all kinds of things and

Eric 20:56

Wow.

Lynn 20:57

I just could not get outside of the mania'cause I kept drinking with my pills and this was my logic. I said, if I wake up in the morning and I take my morning meds and then I wait till noon, they will wear off. So I could drink and then the alcohol would wear off. So I could take my night meds.

Eric 21:15

Wow,

Lynn 21:16

that

Eric 21:16

that,

Lynn 21:16

It doesn't, I tried to time it so I could drink in between taking my pills, it doesn't work that way. It just cr it just cr people don't realize how, dangerous alcohol really is. It's like the, it's like the number one killer. It really is. And I just, you know, I will say right now, you know, as we're talking that, as of, it's funny,

Eric 21:38

Oh, please.

Lynn 21:39

as of April 20th, I'll be five years sober.

Eric 21:41

First off, congratulations. That's massive. that's a huge accomplishment for the life that you've lived.

Lynn 21:47

Yeah,

Eric 21:48

second, I love the idea that you did it on purpose. That's fantastic. So,

Lynn 21:54

Absolutely. But you know, I will say that in that during those 18 months, my dad finally got me out and, I, but in the hospital in 2019. I met my husband, my now ex-husband, my husband,

Eric 22:08

really.

Lynn 22:09

met him in the psych ward. And that, ladies, if you meet a guy in the psych ward, please don't marry them. Please, please don't. Because you know, I won't say too much about him because I don't want like him getting me badmouthing him on your podcast or anything.

Eric 22:24

course. Yeah.

Lynn 22:26

did love me.'cause I had, on this whole, you the whole 15 years I was looking for love after what that guy did to me I was looking for love, I was looking for someone to fill that hole that was in, and, this guy, this wonderful man, he, he loved me as crazy as he was. He loved me completely. But here's the thing. Crazy. I used to tell him My crazy knows You're crazy. And his crazy knew my crazy and as crazy as we both were, between him introducing me to crack, between us boosting at Lowe's and just stealing from stores and doing this Bonnie and Clyde shit. When we both got out, like we were just absolutely, we were like the epitome of toxic. Just crazy. were just crazy.

Eric 23:14

now, now I have to, I have to ask. So 20 19,

Lynn 23:19

2019. Exploded.

Eric 23:21

does he get out at, around the same time, I assume? Yeah.

Lynn 23:23

the same time.

Eric 23:24

Okay. So what does y'all's life look like at that point? Do y'all move in together? You guys kind of, you know.

Lynn 23:30

together like three months after we met. It was

Eric 23:33

Wow.

Lynn 23:34

Three months after we met, six months after he met, he asked me to marry him

Eric 23:38

oh.

Lynn 23:39

It's just the thing that I wanted it. And for you ladies and Jens that are into the zodiac, he was a cancer. I was a cancer. And that was like emotion plus emotion equals fire for some reason. So was everything I've ever wanted. I thought I wanted, and he introduced me to shit that I never thought that I ever experienced. I did not wanna touch the cocaine. I did not want to touch the crack. So he would have some of the crack and then he would put the pipe in my mouth and light it. So I,

Eric 24:08

Whoa.

Lynn 24:09

he did that for me because I didn't wanna touch it.

Eric 24:11

Whoa.

Lynn 24:12

wanna touch it.

Eric 24:13

and how quick was that? I mean, is this something you knew about him before you guys got married, while you guys were together?

Lynn 24:19

I tried, I tried my best to make him stop. I went back and forth with, you have to stop. I tried everything to make'em stop. But you know what, I was one of those women who said, okay, I can't make'em stop, so I'm gonna join him.'cause I was

Eric 24:33

Wow.

Lynn 24:34

Yeah. I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted to be with him. So I did it with him.'cause I fell deeply, deeply in love that I wanted to do it with him,

Eric 24:40

Yeah.

Lynn 24:40

know?

Eric 24:41

I.

Lynn 24:41

I did. And honestly, if you're bipolar and you're drinking and you also do crack, it's not good.

Eric 24:48

I mean, It seems like it's not good. No.

Lynn 24:50

not.

Eric 24:52

I mean, one of those things already seems challenging enough whether it be bipolarism or alcoholism, but throw two of those things, it seems difficult. All three. I don't know.

Lynn 25:02

insane.

Eric 25:03

I

Lynn 25:03

So I will say it was Halloween of 2020. the pandemic was about to rise and

Eric 25:09

mm-hmm.

Lynn 25:10

did we decide to do? We packed up all our shit. I said, well, I will go back up a little bit. He got arrested for stealing a lawnmower from Lowe's or something crazy.

Eric 25:19

Oh,

Lynn 25:20

he had a warrant or he had something on him. And we said, okay, we can't stay in New York anymore. We gotta go somewhere.

Eric 25:26

oh.

Lynn 25:26

I said, where do you wanna go? He goes, I wanna go to Florida. I was like, I don't like Florida. It's too hot. He said, oh, what about Georgia? I didn't know about Georgia. I said, what about North Carolina? I said, okay. So that's how it ended up. We, I had no plan. I had no way of knowing anything.

Eric 25:40

Wow.

Lynn 25:41

went on my computer. I went on my computer and I looked up, because Airbnb was really anal about the way they used to do things back then. They were really strict about their ID process. So I think I, I went on a hot site called Homestay, which is another version of Airbnb,

Eric 25:57

Mm-hmm.

Lynn 25:58

I found a place in Raleigh that we could stay while I tried to find an apartment and tried to find a job, we picked up all shit and we left. My mom and dad are so amazing. They picked up all my furniture off the street. They took it because they didn't want me to throw away all that money. So I will tell you a fun fact. I collect so many things, so I have Star Wars everything, star Trek, everything, Marvel, everything. One of the things that me and that guy did for those four years we would walk all around New York City to every comic book, shop, toy store, and whatever before Marvel, dc and that was a thing before people even were into it. I had the ultimate collection and my mom and dad saved all that stuff for me.

Eric 26:40

So when you decided, okay, I'm packing up. We're outta here. You put your stuff on the side of the street, they pick it all up for you.

Lynn 26:46

everything up. They had my whole collection. They picked everything up.

Eric 26:49

It seems like through so far what you've been, you know, this your story of your life. Your parents have been always there pretty prevalent

Lynn 26:56

Always my mom and dad, no matter how mad they got at me, no matter how mad I got at my dad, my dad for being angry and drunk when I was younger, it doesn't matter anymore considering how, much they've sacrificed for me. And you'll hear about what that sacrifice was. as I continue my story,

Eric 27:14

Please. Yeah.

Lynn 27:15

I got to North Carolina, it didn't stop. You know, found crack in, this town in North Carolina where we were at. I got a job at TurboTax, which was interesting. So I

Eric 27:25

Oh.

Lynn 27:25

for TurboTax in 2021, doing their. accounting and like call center type thing and helping out their customers and stuff like that. So I was, I was on contract working for them and I was trying to work and keep us afloat while he was out doing God knows what and I was trying my best in a small town, North Carolina. Honestly, this part of the story is where it gets rough because I won't say exactly what happened, but I got caught out there being really high of my mind, manic and crazy, and we both got arrested

Eric 28:04

Oh

Lynn 28:05

It was some really bad charges, and I won't go into what, because it was really bad charges.

Eric 28:09

yeah.

Lynn 28:09

10 months in this small town jail. My husband was in the male version of the jail. And we used to send notes back and forth to each other if we could.

Eric 28:19

Yeah.

Lynn 28:19

a lot of people in jail. I learned how to make hooch,

Eric 28:23

Wow.

Lynn 28:23

fermented orange juice. It tastes disgusting, but people want alcohol in jail. So what I learned how to make hooch, which was interesting. And then, I had this girl, I'll call her. Ce was her name, and, she was my cellmate and she like ran the whole jail. She, like, everybody didn't mess with her. Nobody, nobody like got in her way in anything. She passed away two years ago because she overdosed. Sealy was really amazing in jail. I have all her journals, all her writings. She was a very great writer. She was very lively and just a really great friend. I made a lot of friends in jail. Another girl that was in jail with me, she actually followed me to the rehab that I went to, and she passed away too, another overdose. So a lot of the people that I met in jail ended up overdosing, like over the years. it's, it was hard. You know, jail. Jail is the hardest thing that I ever had to deal with. I will get a little bit into the spiritual side with you.

Eric 29:18

mm-hmm.

Lynn 29:19

well how my road journey to Catholicism because people here, you know, they hear the word Catholic and they're like, oh my god. You know, people have their opinions about Catholics.

Eric 29:28

Mm-hmm.

Lynn 29:28

during COVID I was in a jail cell with four other women. And the jail cell is so small because they had to quarantine us from the others.

Eric 29:37

Oh, yeah.

Lynn 29:38

the ones that were healthy were,'cause there's lack of space.

Eric 29:42

Mm-hmm.

Lynn 29:43

we were four of us in a jail cell. So there's one girl on the top bunk, one girl on the bottom bunk, one girl facing the door, and then me facing the toilet. I had. There is no rock bottom than sleeping, facing a jail toilet with three other women in a jail cell. There is no more rock bottom than that. I remember distinctly, I prayed, I mean, my Muslim background. I was never a believer. I would pray to Allah when I was little and I hear my grandmother's prayers. I never believed in the religion. I didn't believe in what they did to women. I didn't believe in how men treated women. I hated it. And I just could not believe in a religion like that. So most of my life, I didn't really pray or talk to God at all. So when I'm in that jail cell. I found Jesus in that jail cell. I don't know. I've learned, I knew about Christianity. I celebrated Christmas like everybody else. I know the story of Jesus from my other Christian friends and girls growing up in school and everything like that. I knew of the Bible. I read a lot of the Bible, I never had a moment with Jesus. And I say he found me in that cell. And I have to say I promised him that at that moment that I would never drink again.

Eric 31:01

And that was

Lynn 31:02

in that was 24, 21,

Eric 31:04

Yeah.

Lynn 31:05

21. 2021.

Eric 31:08

Because you're coming up on your,

Lynn 31:09

Five

Eric 31:10

Yeah, five years. So, wow. And that moment, right there was the pivotal point that first off, I, congratulations. Right? Because it takes, it takes a strong person and somebody with, a lot of connection to find that and find faith in that. And that's amazing. I will say from my end, you know, I, I'm not a very religious person myself. so to hear stories like that where somebody finds something that finds, you know, hope and faith and belief in that, for a better future for them, that's all you can ever ask for. So that's fantastic and I'm really happy for you.

Lynn 31:38

Thank you so much and I will tell you why I chose Catholicism because people say, okay, if you find Jesus is everywhere. So you can find any church. Why Catholicism? I believe I'm a very, when I say sometimes most of my life wasn't structured, but I'm very logical person.'cause I believe in numbers. I believe in logic to a certain extent and honestly. I followed the logical conclusion because all you hear of Jesus and all you hear of him is you. He told his apostles right. He told his apostles to go make a church and that his apostles would make a church. So Catholicism is a direct line to the apostles. So everything about Catholicism is from the apostles handed down through generations. So if you want a direct line to Jesus, you have to follow the Apostles church. I didn't see another logical conclusion other than that

Eric 32:33

Yeah. No, it makes sense, you know, especially for you. If that's how it looks and that's how you believe, then it's the only Right course.

Lynn 32:40

exactly it. It was very black and white for me.

Eric 32:43

Yeah.

Lynn 32:43

It's like white, you know? Jesus said, make a church. They made a church, so this is a church they made. It just made sense to me.

Eric 32:51

A hundred percent. And so from this point, you're sitting there, you're at your lowest point and you're at this rock bottom.

Lynn 32:56

Mm-hmm.

Eric 32:56

You've now found this salvation, something that makes you feel better and that gets you to a good point. once you've done that, how long, were you incarcerated until you were able to get out and kind of push past this?

Lynn 33:08

It was 10 months of 2022. I think it was like all the way till, I think March or February I think it was. See the reason my sober date is four 20 is because I was arrested like in March. So I think like that, that epiphany I was messing with hooch, so I was messing with hooch in there. So by the time four 20 came around, it was just, you know, it's funny because I laughed at that because that night that I had that epiphany that night that I, I found salvation and Jesus spoke to me and I heard him speak clearly. That night was four 20. That was hilarious. thought, you know, and it's funny'cause of everything, everything that God has shown me since then has been very funny. I would sit around and something would happen and I would say, you know, you're very funny that thing you just did. Yeah, that 11 inches of snow you just gave North Carolina. That was funny. Like, come on, like really? Like I have been here five years and it's like I'm from New York. I can deal with the snow, but really you send a bomb cyclone of snow, Where we're totally unprepared for it. I'm like, all right, you're funny,

Eric 34:13

Yeah,

Lynn 34:14

you're funny. You're just funny.

Eric 34:16

that's what makes it much better, right? That's what makes it easier. You gotta look at the better things in those problematic moments, and I'm glad you find it.

Lynn 34:23

I do find it funny. by 2022, the mandate from the courts was that I had to go to a rehab to, finish out my sentence or whatever it was. this is where my parents come in. mom and dad are heroes when I got arrested, the first thing my mom and dad did was they packed up their house in New York and they moved to North Carolina.

Eric 34:44

Wow.

Lynn 34:45

They took everything. it took three or four trips and they were living in hotels and they couldn't find a house to get yet. they had everything in a storage unit. They found a house. They give up their entire life. For me,

Eric 34:57

Wow. That's incredible. I mean, some people would say, oh, that's what a parent's supposed to do. But I mean, and this is no harm to you. Right? I'm not trying to offend you in any way here, but you put them through the ringer in life

Lynn 35:12

I

Eric 35:12

they didn't waver. They stayed by you the entire time. That's amazing.

Lynn 35:17

Well, I tell you, I'm very much into payback, so I will tell you a little bit of my life today, the work that I do with the church, I go to Mass, I'm in the Legion of Mary, which is an organization of the Catholic church that goes see the disabled, the home bound and the elderly. So I, after Mass on every Sunday, I go do all my Legion of Mary visit in a nursing home or a home bound person. We give them the Eucharist, we pray with them, we spend time with them. And then after that, like clockwork, I'm on my way to my parents' house. I have seen since I've gotten outta the rehab, I have seen my parents every single Sunday for the past three years that I've been out. I don't miss a visit.

Eric 35:54

That's amazing.

Lynn 35:56

yeah,

Eric 35:56

so since you've been out, it's nothing but up. You've only succeeded across the board.

Lynn 36:01

yes.

Eric 36:03

That is Lynn. I gotta be honest with you, it is probably the most inspiring story I've ever heard It's, and you were correct in stating it, you know, when we first were talking, like, your story is triumphant to experience what you've been through to deal with what you've been dealt right. And then coming to terms with, you know, trying to make your life better and finding this happiness that you were looking for, and now you're there. Now you're getting there and it's only gonna get better for you. Right. I can tell, like, you have this incredible mentality, this drive, this genius mindset. you have your faith now and all of that is just beyond, in comparison to what some people would assume would happen to you, right?

Lynn 36:43

I'm, if I were to play out the statistics for a person like me, I'd still be homeless because

Eric 36:49

mm-hmm.

Lynn 36:49

that rehab was a homeless shelter. It wasn't just a rehab. I had to start the, it was a rigorous program.. You start in the shelter and you have to move your way up. And that was another 15 month program. It was another grueling 15 months in that rehab, and you started out in the homeless shelter, and you have to work your way up as you did chores every morning, 5:00 AM go to your job, go to meetings, do the classes as you moved up. It was a rigorous program. It

Eric 37:19

Wow.

Lynn 37:21

I think that was harder than jail.

Eric 37:23

Well, whoa. Wow.

Lynn 37:25

It was harder than jail.

Eric 37:26

Wow.

Lynn 37:27

that rehab was relentless, but it shaped me into the person that I am. Honestly, I gotta tell you. because of that place, and this is a small, you know, grace they gave me, I make my bed every single morning, even though I'm tired, I don't wanna do it. I wanna be lazy. I don't care. make my boy my bed. Like jail standards, like, like tucking in, I swear. I make my bed perfect every single morning. Like I said, one of the things that didn't have in New York, I mean, I lived with my husband for a little while, but it was crazy.

Eric 37:59

Mm-hmm.

Lynn 38:00

I've never had my own place. Like this is the first time I have my own apartment with my own things. I love my life and I have so many friends between my church friends and my friends in Raleigh, the people I'm still friends with in New York. I go out to a movie by myself. I'm gonna go see some ridiculous scream seven at the end of February. Like, I, you know, I'm gonna see some stupid, I love horrible movies, so I'm gonna go see the most horrible, I love horrible movies. Like I'm going, there's gr Greenland two is in theaters right now. I'm gonna go see it as soon as

Eric 38:35

Oh, don't do that to yourself. You know?

Lynn 38:37

I'm gonna see Greenland too. The migration. I'm gonna do it to myself. I don't even care. But the fact is, I leave my house every single day. the years I spent online in a room on the computer, that is not my life anymore. That is so not my life. Never again.

Eric 38:55

I'm glad, and I will say there are some people out there that, hear that and would say, well, I love being secluded. I love being in my space. But I think there's something to your story to say that that's not what your life should be. It's worth it getting out there.

Lynn 39:08

You

Eric 39:09

Yeah.

Lynn 39:09

I had the perfect, I have like the best computer system. I had everything, the best video games, tv, everything I had, and you know, I said, this is my little haven. No, no one could come hurt me here. But honestly, when I'm out there and I'm meeting people and I'm laughing, you know, I'm part of the Raleigh Sci-fi geek group. we have meetup.com. we meet every month. We talk about nonsense. I bought a telescope. I'm part of the astronomy club in my town. I mean, I live a different life, know, just a different life.

Eric 39:43

I mean, I guess it seems idiotic to ask this now, but did you ever expect this, 20 years ago?

Lynn 39:49

No, I thought I would never leave New York. I thought I would never leave New York and I would never be able to make it out on my own. I thought I would leave New York and as bad as it was, my ex-husband put the crap pipe in my mouth and lit it. As bad as that was, I thank him because I would've never made it to North Carolina. If it hadn't been to him.

Eric 40:14

Wow,

Lynn 40:14

wasn't for him. I wouldn't have made it here.

Eric 40:16

you're a very optimistic person, I'll tell you that much. It's.

Lynn 40:19

I do not hate him because I knew his mother really well. Me and his mother had a great relationship, but we had to part ways and she loves her son so much, and I know. The man I know that's on the inside passed the drug addict passed the craziness. he wanted to be loved more than anything in the world. And no matter what he did, I know he did it because the addiction, he didn't have bipolar like me. He was schizophrenic. but like I told you, I didn't get addicted to crack cocaine because mania is a whole other level.

Eric 40:56

Yeah.

Lynn 40:57

could never give me the mania.

Eric 40:58

Hmm.

Lynn 40:59

never compared to, no, that's a high, that's a whole nother story.

Eric 41:04

Yeah, you're incredible. Just what you've experienced and what you've been through has been astonishing. And I, Lynn, I know we're coming up on our time here, but I would love if down the line, you know, if I could talk to you some more, get a better idea of your story, maybe see what other things you have upcoming. I'd love if you do write that book or you start going, I would love.

Lynn 41:29

the book. I can't get through. There's so much nonsense. I just can't get through. I'm like, I write one piece and it's like, oh, this happened and that happened. And it's like I gave you a brief summary of all of that, but I didn't even get to tell you of what found after my ex-husband. So when my ex-husband left in 2023, he left North Carolina.

Eric 41:51

Mm-hmm.

Lynn 41:52

put him on a bus and sent him back to New York.

Eric 41:54

You got to, you got to.

Lynn 41:55

my dad came

Eric 41:57

Yeah.

Lynn 41:58

brought him outta my house and sent him on a bus back to New York.

Eric 42:02

Yep.

Lynn 42:03

That's what my dad did. My

Eric 42:04

Good, good man.

Lynn 42:05

But when he left, of course I was crying'cause I was alone. And I was like, I miss him. but you know, it's crazy. I miss him. so I found myself looking for someone to love and outta nowhere I found someone. And our story is interesting because we fell in love. kind of like people, how they do now. We fell in love online. And what's interesting about us is I didn't know what he looked like for the first six months.

Eric 42:36

Wow.

Lynn 42:37

I had no idea what he looked, it wasn't romantic. No, it wasn't anything like that in the beginning. It was just two people on opposite sides of the country, just talking messaging on a forum that people go to that have, you know, mental health issues. we all on the forum, we all talk about being bipolar, depressed, or whatever, and

Eric 42:55

Yeah.

Lynn 42:55

whatever it is. And it just started with long messages somewhere in January, 2024. And it went six months without me even seeing a picture. I didn't even care. I didn't wanna know. I was out living my life. My ex-husband had left, he was gone. And I was just outliving my life. And

Eric 43:13

Wow.

Lynn 43:14

there was just this guy. I happened to be emailing or messaging, every night. So, but yeah.

Eric 43:20

Wow.

Lynn 43:21

but when I saw his picture, oh my god.

Eric 43:26

And when, when did, when did this kick off? It was just right after your ex had left

Lynn 43:31

a few months. Yeah. When

Eric 43:32

yeah.

Lynn 43:33

my ex left in December, 2023. met this California guy in January, 2024.

Eric 43:41

Wow. And so where's that taken off now?

Lynn 43:45

It's, a whole nother podcast.

Eric 43:48

Okay,

Lynn 43:48

That's a

Eric 43:49

perfect.

Lynn 43:50

because me and him, he has taught me. how I learned that addiction is not only just addiction, it's codependency, it's why relationships are broken. And this California guy has really taught me about codependency, what a healthy relationship looks like, what is expected of two people, how communication works. And you know, like I said, I'm an alcoholic, so codependency goes hand in hand with that. So I learned, he helped me learn. And it's, you know, because for this guy he had told me, he's never been in a healthy relationship. And this is the first one I think I've ever been in too.

44:32

Lynn's journey isn't easy to listen to, and I think it's fair to say it wasn't easy to live. It's a story shaped by pain, addiction, mental illness, and the kind of choices that often come from feeling unseen and unloved. But it's also a story about endurance, about what happens when someone keeps going, even when everything in their life has told them to stop. Through hospital stays, destructive relationships and and time behind bars. Lynn never fully lost the part of herself that wanted more, more peace, more meaning, more love, and in the end, it wasn't a single moment that saved her. No, it was a combination of things. Faith, the steady presence of her parents, and a growing sense that her life had value beyond her past. Healing for Lynn didn't come all at once. It came in pieces, in realizations, in choosing again and again to believe she deserved better. Her story reminds us that people are more than the worst things they've done or the hardest things they've endured, and that even after the darkest chapters, it's still possible to begin again. I truly hope you enjoyed Lynn's story so much so that you'll come back for part two. She had so much more that she wanted to talk about and to convey to those listening that I welcomed her wholly to talk much more about the life she's been through, what she's experienced, what she knows, and how she's growing every day. So please come back next week for part two of Lynn. And of course, if you have a story or you just wanna talk to somebody, maybe get something off your chest, feel free to shoot me an email at here for you pod, HEAR, the number four Y-O-U-P-O d@gmail.com. I'd love to talk to you. Until then, talk to you soon.