Hear 4: Lisa Pentangelo

Lisa Pentangelo shares her deeply personal story of navigating motherhood, mental health challenges, and a life-altering spiritual experience.

After the birth of her son, Lisa began experiencing symptoms of peripartum depression, leaving her feeling detached from herself and the world around her. While maintaining a career and caring for her family, she silently battled feelings she didn't fully understand.

As life pressures mounted, Lisa experienced what she describes as a spiritual awakening that eventually evolved into spiritual psychosis—an intense period marked by profound spiritual experiences, unusual patterns of thinking, and a search for meaning during one of the most difficult times of her life.

Together, we discuss:

• Life before motherhood
• Working in finance, cosmetics, and plastic surgery
• Peripartum depression and postpartum mental health
• The impact of untreated mental health struggles
• Spiritual awakening vs. spiritual psychosis
• Therapy, healing, and recovery
• How asking for help can change everything

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of mental health conditions, psychosis, depression, and emotional distress.

If you're struggling, you're not alone. Resources are listed below.

Immediate Crisis Support (United States)

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Call or Text: 988

Available 24/7 for:

• Emotional distress
• Suicidal thoughts
• Mental health crises
• Substance use crises
• Support for loved ones

Website:
 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Postpartum & Peripartum Mental Health

Postpartum Support International (PSI)

Helpline:
 1-800-944-4773

Text:
 "Help" to 800-944-4773

Website:
 Postpartum Support International

PSI provides support for:

• Peripartum depression
• Postpartum depression
• Postpartum anxiety
• Postpartum OCD
• Postpartum psychosis
• Family support

Episode Disclaimer (Optional)

The experiences discussed in this episode reflect Lisa Pentangelo's personal story and should not be considered medical advice. Experiences involving spiritual awakenings, psychosis, depression, or other mental health conditions can affect individuals differently. If you are experiencing symptoms that concern you, please consult a qualified mental health professional or healthcare provider.

Transcript

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0:01

Hey, I'm Eric and I'm here for you. Today's guest is Lisa Pentagiello, and her story is unlike any we've featured before. Lisa takes us through a remarkable journey that spans careers in finance, beauty, and medicine while navigating some of the most difficult challenges of her life behind the scenes. After becoming a mother, Lisa began experiencing symptoms of peripartum depression and conditions that left her feeling disconnected from herself and the world around her. As her struggles deepened, she experienced what she describes as a spiritual awakening that eventually evolved into what she now recognizes as a spiritual psychosis. In this conversation, Lisa speaks openly about motherhood, mental health, trauma, identity, healing, therapy, and the complex intersection between spirituality and psychology. Nope. Edit. Between spirituality and psychological well-being. Her story is deeply personal, thought-provoking, and a powerful reminder that seeking help is not weakness, it's strength. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges, please know that support is available, and we'll share resources at the end of this episode. I hope you enjoy Lisa's story.

Eric 1:27

What do you feel drives you to do all of the things that you have done?

Lisa 1:32

honestly, I've always been, I always was, and I'm no longer really this way, but I sort of like let the wind push me when I was younger. So it was like things that came along. So I was in college and I ended up getting a job in finance. So, I dropped outta college because I was already making more than I would be making. Once I graduated with that degree, and I was, 18 at the time, so it was like, what's the point of going to school for a graphic design degree when I'm making more money now? You know what I mean? I decided to quit college. I wasn't ready for it anyway. like, I really wanted to take like a year off after high school and, just be a person, right? so I ended up being in finance, I was like 21 years old doing the job of like a 59-year-old person, so it was pretty boring. But there was times, it was like when there was fraud and stuff, that it was exciting, 'cause the police got involved and you had detectives there and you just caught somebody who running a ring of like checks or something,

Eric 2:57

As exciting as it gets. Yeah.

Lisa 2:59

I missed out on a lot of the exciting things like the week before I was supposed to go there. they were robbed

Eric 3:07

Oh,

Lisa 3:08

truck outside and they were robbed with AK 40 sevens.

Eric 3:11

good.

Lisa 3:12

yeah, it was, it was one of the guys got hurt, really bad guy, like, cocked him in the face with the gun. so like he really, he got knocked out, yeah, so I, I was only in one robbery

Eric 3:25

Hold on. I was only in one robbery.

Lisa 3:29

I mean, I was in there for like nine years doing finance and it's pretty common, like you think it's not as common as you think, right? Like, but people.

Eric 3:39

I would imagine.

Lisa 3:39

there's a lot of desperate people, it was pretty uneventful. so it wasn't too exciting. so I ended up, I always wanted to do makeup. I was very into makeup since I was like, in my teen years. So I was like, I want to go get my aesthetics license, which is basically, you can do like facials and things of that nature, waxing and whatever. And it's funny because there was a woman in my class and she was actually the judge on Rikers Island. And she, yeah, she was in my class cause she was like gonna retire and she wanted to do something so was getting her aesthetics license. She just loved to do facials and stuff, like you're in Rikers and you know you shank somebody and she's the one giving you extra time. And I'm like standing next to her as she's like rubbing cream on somebody's face, It was weird. A lot of kooky characters, but, I had gotten my aesthetics license while I was working in finance and I got married. To my first husband and he, we had a discussion and I was like, he was in finance too at the time. And, we had a discussion and I was like, I don't wanna do this anymore. I wanna, work in the beauty field. And so he was like, all right, quit your job and, find something that you enjoy. So I found this, Salon in Huntington, like the ritzy area of Huntington. was a lot of black cards and complaints, right? But I got a assistant manager position there, so I was managing that for a couple years and then I. Put in an application the city for the cosmetics company, I got the job and then I worked in Upper East Side for about eight and a half years.

Eric 5:34

Eight years.

Lisa 5:34

there for, yeah, about eight and a half years, and then they actually closed my location laid us off.

Eric 5:42

no.

Lisa 5:43

so I ended up attempting to have my own business,

Eric 5:46

As you do.

Lisa 5:47

I ended up getting, like, I was already, divorced from my husband. like five years. And then I met my husband, now I got pregnant, so, I had to a job that I can get health insurance. Because I was being laid off. I was on the a DA, so I got a job back. They hired me pregnant.

Eric 6:10

Oh.

Lisa 6:11

the cosmetics company, they hired me back pregnant, gave me my maternity leave. I worked for them for like another two years, and then I got a job with the plastic surgeon... And then, yeah, so I had the baby and I was working, cosmetics and the plastic surgeon. I started working for the plastic surgeon and I thought that I was just gonna be doing like, laser treatments and microderm, abrasion, that type of stuff, right? I wasn't fully about the job before I got it I asked questions, but the questions that I asked, weren't, complete.

Eric 6:55

Hmm. Okay.

Lisa 6:56

The best questions to ask, but, the only thing they said to me was, oh, it can get sort of bloody sometimes. And I'm like, okay. Like I'm thinking, if you do a deep laser, you get like these little specks of blood that come up the top of the skin, right? So

Eric 7:14

Yeah.

Lisa 7:15

that's it, right? gonna do her. Nose jobs and facelifts and all that somewhere else,

Eric 7:25

Sure. Yeah.

Lisa 7:27

but it ended up, she liked to do certain surgeries in office and didn't have a nurse, so I was her medical aesthetician. So I ended up being a nurse. Sort of.

Eric 7:47

Is it fair for me to say this isn't quite legal?

Lisa 7:51

I mean, I would not, but company that own, like owned, so it was like, a medical group, right?

Eric 8:03

Mm-hmm.

Lisa 8:04

practices within that medical group. So like, they would have like a general practice, gastroenterologist, Orthopedist or whatever.

Eric 8:11

Yeah.

Lisa 8:12

of I found out later. so yeah, so it was just like free for all. So, yeah, so I ended up doing surgeries like, she had a lot of people, like, she did like a lot of noses. So like I saw a lot of cancer written noses, noses with holes in them, noses with no skin, no, no muscle tissue, nothing on it. We took this woman's cheek, we cut, a piece of her cheek out we folded it up. It's called an elephant, right? So they take the piece of the cheek, they twist it, and then they lay it over the top of the nose, they sew it on, and then you have this little piece that connects from the cheek to the nose. that little piece turns black and falls off.

Eric 9:03

Listen, there's gonna be somebody listening to this that understands what you're saying and they're like, oh yeah, of course. I'm just trying to visualize it. And I don't know how you kept that all together, especially for somebody who got the job and wasn't really sure on what the qualifications for this role were going to be.

Lisa 9:20

it was Pretty wild. Like, but before that, well, before I was pregnant, I was definitely afraid of needles. I had a needle phobia since I was like 11. medical trauma needles when I was young, so I was always afraid of them. I would pass out from needles. And then when you get pregnant, you have to get your blood taken so many times, right? You just get used to that. A lot of blood is a lot for, for like, it was very, it was too much for me sometimes and I would, have to excuse myself and go into the bathroom and I would literally pull myself out of passing out.

Eric 10:04

It's, I can imagine that's not what you wanna see from your nurse.

Lisa 10:07

No.

Eric 10:07

especially if you're getting no surgery done right then and there.

Lisa 10:10

Yeah. Well, I was always like. Dr. Park, excuse me, one moment. And she knew what was up, and then I would go and I would wash my face with cold water and put it on my wrist, and then I would pull myself out and then I'd go back in the room and finish. she left the practice, so I had no position because the other plastic surgeon had left the practice as well, so there was no position for me. they kept me on doing Mindless work, and I was so depressed. And that's when the whole psychosis thing happened,

Eric 10:51

when you say spiritual psychosis thing, what, what was the breakdown to that? Just mind numbingly ambiguous work like. do you feel like that's the only kind of catalyst or crux that led to this?

Lisa 11:04

So it actually started after I had my son. when you're pregnant, your hormones go nuts, right? I don't know what happened, but I started having a little bit of Depression and I didn't do anything about it. I didn't go see anybody because I wasn't fully aware of myself. And when I say this, it's because. Peripartum depression with like, there's postpartum depression where you're just depressed, right? You're crying, you're postpartum. It's after the baby, and you're coming back to yourself. Your hormones are sitting straight. But when you have peripartum depression, it gets worse. So I ended up with something called depersonalization, derealization disorder, and that's when you are, outside of your body how you the world is like, it's basically almost as if you're in a movie, The only way I can really explain it is like you sort of feel like you were outside of yourself, But you're functioning normally, but everything's like a shade of gray. Like it's very gray, almost like your colors and your vision like dull. and then you, like for me personally, when I would look in the mirror, I couldn't recognize my face, which is very strange.

Eric 12:26

that's terrifying.

Lisa 12:27

but instead of getting help, because like I said, I was so depressed, it was just such a weird moment of my life. But, yeah, so it was just, I'm trying to get the words together, but, so anyway, that was how I was like for a long time, it was years. Years and years like that. I started getting a little bit better, like about a year into working with the doctor. and at that point that grayness sort of. fixed itself. And I started to, recognize my face again because I ended up starting to use the mirror like on like a compact to do my makeup in the morning. I would go to each eye, each part of my face because I couldn't look at my whole face. I didn't recognize who that was. Like avoid looking at myself because it was like so weird. But it started to clear up after a while. I don't know why. I guess like maybe my hormones got a little bit better, but, yeah, When she left the practice and they had me starting to do this work that was not very, good for me. that's when the whole spiritual psychosis thing happened, and I think it was probably part of like a mental breakdown. Do you get what I'm saying?

Eric 13:49

Yeah, if I can, before before we talk about, the spiritual psychosis, I do want to kind of. Jump back to the peripartum, and as you realize, and you're telling yourself, okay, I don't recognize this person in the mirror, and you avoided mirrors. how did that affect your everyday life? Outside of that? did it affect your interaction with, everybody else throughout the world or just regular things that you would do?

Lisa 14:18

I was very normal outside of myself, like in everyday life. I sort of, I don't know how I did it, honestly. I just did it. I guess, I was in some type of state of survival,

Eric 14:31

mm-hmm.

Lisa 14:32

what I had to do. Like I had to work, I was a mom, like I had to go to work, I had to take care of my kid, know?

Eric 14:41

So did you find yourself masking a lot of the time? like deep down you knew, that something wasn't feeling right to you, that you knew what was kind of going on, but you just had to put on this brave face to take care of your child and go through the world.

Lisa 14:56

Yeah.

Eric 14:57

did that affect your thoughts and your emotions, drastically Or was it more like your sense of reality was kind of warped during that time period?

Lisa 15:07

I mean, my sense of reality was definitely morphed in the time period, but like it was almost as if, like I said, I was outside of my body, so it was almost like I was watching myself do all of these things. From the outside, I don't know if you've ever seen that movie. being John Malkovich?

Eric 15:27

I have not.

Lisa 15:28

what,

Eric 15:29

I know John Malkovich, I just haven't seen the film.

Lisa 15:31

no. You need to see that movie. I'm telling you, it's amazing. It's such a good movie, but like it really felt. in the similar way, like you're looking from outside or like with inside of yourself. It's very Weird way to live. And I was thinking to myself like, you know, there was points where I was like, am I gonna live like this for the rest of my life? But I was never one. I don't talk about my emotions that much. some sort of like detach that way. So that was, it wasn't like I was sitting there and breaking down and crying, like for me crying is like not something that I do on a regular basis or as much as my friends do. I was raised by a mom who wasn't really emotional, so.

Eric 16:19

I see. So you're experiencing all these things, with, the peripartum. were there any moments or times where you thought, it doesn't feel that bad. Like it might be a little interesting to kind of see yourself from the outside looking in. Were there any good moments to it?

Lisa 16:40

I mean, I really reserved a lot of my energy to my son, right? So my focus really wasn't myself at all. I wasn't really thinking about me. So I don't, remember too much self-reflection in that moment of time.

Eric 17:02

do you feel like that experience, maybe brought you closer to your son during that time period?

Lisa 17:09

Yes and no because I was like in survival mode. So like when you're like a mom and you feel safe, right? Like you can relax and you can enjoy your kids. I was always worried about the next moment, like I was living in the future and not in the

Eric 17:29

Mm. Yeah.

Lisa 17:30

Yeah.

Eric 17:31

Okay. And did you feel like that also took a toll on your relationships with family or friends in that moment?

Lisa 17:38

like with my husband for sure. like I have friends that, I speak with, but really talk to my friends about feelings either, It's not like I would call up somebody and be like, yo, I'm feeling like this, now I would after therapy. in that time I was never like struggling. friendships and things because I really didn't have time for that too. 'cause I had a young kid, I had like a

Eric 18:04

Mm-hmm.

Lisa 18:05

2-year-old, and your whole life becomes that child.

Eric 18:08

Let's jump to the spiritual psychosis that happened. you mentioned the mind numbing work that you were dealing with, and it kind of led you to that breaking point. Could you walk me through what you were dealing with and what you were experiencing?

Lisa 18:23

So it all started out, it's gonna sound weird, I was in the shower, And I started hearing music in my head, but the music wasn't like, like how you have a song in your head? like you hear it like in your head, but it's not like you hear it. Do you know what I mean? I heard it in my head. It was like on another level, right? Like I can't even explain it, but it was not like having like a song stuck in your head like an earworm, right? I think that's what they call it, right?

Eric 19:01

I think so. Yeah.

Lisa 19:03

it was relentless that night. So I got out of the shower after this, right? I got outta the shower and I sat on the couch and I was going through YouTube because it was such a familiar song, and I was like, what is this song? I'm like, I heard it a million times, and it was like a classical like opera song, right? Like one of those opera songs. But it didn't have like the wording to it. I was just hearing the music, right? So, couldn't find it. I was on that computer for two hours. I swear to God. I was like, I am just going to sleep. This is ridiculous. So eventually it went away. I went to sleep. And the next day I go into work and I'm sitting in my office and I had the lights off, right? Because through this whole thing, lights also started bothering me a lot, like lights were just too bright, know? so I sat in my office with the lights off and I'm doing my work, and then the music starts again in my head. And I'm sitting at my desk and I'm like, the fuck is this? I go on YouTube again, right? 'cause I'm like, I'm gonna find this song. And I went on YouTube. the second that came up with the same exact verbiage that I was using the night before, mind you classical music opera. It was a second one there, And as soon as the song started playing, I heard a voice in my head. Like, this is emotional for me, but I heard a voice in my head that said, you can go now. I swear to God,

Eric 20:34

you can go now.

Lisa 20:35

can go now, right?

Eric 20:39

Wow.

Lisa 20:40

I wrote up my resignation letter, wrote my resignation, put in my two weeks. That day, I stayed my two weeks. I did what I was supposed to. And then I started working well let, I'm jumping ahead here. I'm so sorry. when I heard the song and then I heard the voice, I looked up the song and what the song was about, and it was a classical opera. Called lame. And it was based on the Goddess Lakshmi. Lakshmi is like an Indian mother goddess, so she's a goddess in Indian mythology, and she's like the mother goddess of them. So if you had like God and you had goddess, she was like the goddess of like motherhood,

Eric 21:42

okay. Yeah.

Lisa 21:43

And I looked it up, it came up on Wiki and then the moment that I saw her face was when. I heard voice. You can go now. Saw the picture on screen of her and then I heard you can go now.

Eric 21:59

Wow.

Lisa 21:59

Yeah. So, that's when it, like the whole spiritual psychosis thing started. I guess it, it's a spiritual awakening, But, like whenever you're healing something, it's, there's always a worst point that it's at, Like everything goes, it, it, it goes bad, black, white, And, It started good, some type of energy, But then it started to go into psychosis because you start seeing the patterns of everything. Almost as if like you're tripping balls on like mushrooms, but like all day long.

Eric 22:39

When you would you say the patterns of everything. What do you mean, I, I hear when you're saying, well, you're, you're going, you know, like you took drugs or something like that. But, that couldn't have felt good throughout the day.

Lisa 22:53

No, I mean there was one point that you could probably get what I'm saying about seeing the patterns of everything. when it got really weird one day and was Putting glasses away into the cabinet from the dishwasher, And I started seeing how, this is so weird to say, but I started seeing how every single movement that I made corresponded a past incident or future incident. So it's like I grabbed the glass and the grabbing of that glass corresponded to something that happened in the past, Putting the glass in the cabinet, corresponded to something else. That was a weird day. I was like, yeah, what is going on? Like, I can't even touch anything without like seeing something from something in the past yeah. But then, so with the whole Lakshmi thing, I started to see her all over the place, Like her name would be somebody's name, like in an email, or, I would see or it would come up here, or like somebody would say. It out loud, like it was constant. Constant. And I've always been a spiritual person, and I've known about gods and goddesses my whole life. I had interest in it when I was younger, like, Greek and Roman goddesses and gods. I just always loved mythology. And I feel like a weird way, the universe speaks to us in ways we understand individually, I think that's how. It was speaking to me, So it was like, it's so weird to say, so she, she was with me. Like I would, I ended up, developing do you know Jordan Peterson?

Eric 24:52

Heard, yes.

Lisa 24:54

so he's like a psychologist, psychotherapist, or something of that sort. I don't know what you would call him, what his position is, but I was listening to him and he had something similar happen to him. So it was basically almost as if. once I saw the Lakshmi thing, it was basically I was hearing myself in my head, talking to myself and like giving myself therapy all day long. So if I was on the phone with somebody and I was like saying, oh, I'm so sorry, da da da da, and it would say in my head, don't make yourself sound so weak. Or you know, you don't believe that, right? Or something like that.. It was almost as if I had myself as my therapist, but inside and Jordan Peterson had called it a split psyche. So like when you're going through like, a major like ego death or awakening or mental breakdown, your psyche can split into two, or three or four or whatever, And you start to hear yourself inside. So that, that's what was going on that whole time. Like the whole awakening, I guess. yeah, so it was a wild time then I, I started get visited, I guess. Or on or spoken to by other gods and goddesses, It's gonna sound weird, but like even weirder than this. So my sister. And during that time, Christmas came and my sister gave me a ring. And in the ring had my husband and mine and my son's birthstones. I started wearing it 'cause it was cute. It was gold, it was cute. I was like, oh, I'm gonna wear this and I promptly lose it.

Eric 27:00

Oh no.

Lisa 27:00

Yeah, I'm looking everywhere for this ring. I'm like, where the hell is this ring? I, I turned my room upside down. Still can't, like, I lose track of it, like, it's not on my mind as much anymore. And I go into my drawer and like looking for something, mind you, like, I'm looking at like the floor, like open the drawer, you know, go and get something outta the drawer and I close the drawer and the ring is on the floor.

Eric 27:28

Oh.

Lisa 27:28

Like no way it could have been in the space, it was, 'cause it wasn't there before. Like out in the open, like the floor. so I started wearing the ring again and I was going through issues with my mother and my sister because within this time, I had a huge argument with my mother

Eric 27:50

Hmm.

Lisa 27:50

like 38 years of hurt and pain came out.

Eric 27:54

Hmm.

Lisa 27:55

scary thing.

Eric 27:57

Yeah.

Lisa 27:57

But anyway, so with this ring, I started wearing the ring I'm in social media, so we do like these, Partnerships that do like couples things like you make a carpet or you do a painting or a candle making class, so, one day during this whole period when I had this ring and I'm wearing this ring, go to this class and it's like a painting class and you have to shoot with a BB gun, like a full of paint. Like splashes down on the canvas. Like it's just like what? Their like gig, So I was with two other creators and I mean my husband, another creator and her boyfriend, they had to take the shots, like they, they had to like videotape everything. So, they were like, well, somebody needs to shoot the balloons, and I'm like, can you shoot the balloons? I'm like, I can't shoot anything. Like I've never shot a gun in my life. I'm probably gonna miss 'cause I don't have good aim. So they're like, just try it anyway. you just keep going. So I shot the gun and I got every single one of them, bang, bang, bang, bang, right Like one shot for each thing. And there was four balloons. And four shots. I shot those four balloons.

Eric 29:23

Crazy. Mm-hmm.

Lisa 29:26

I was being visited, I guess, by Athena, who is the goddess of war, She's also a goddess who uses an arrow and aim. So she is very much about aim. So again, during this time that happened, my husband looks at me 'cause he's like, you don't have good aim. Like, what the hell is this? Like this is not something, it's not something that just happens, right? so ended up doing a archery class, and, the lady's like, you ever done this before? I'm like, no, I've never shot an arrow in my life. And she showed me how to put my hands onto the arrows and I started shooting them in the bullseye. In that same time we played pool and I was getting all of the balls in before that time, I couldn't a piece of paper in the garbage can if it was sitting next to me.

Eric 30:21

So you're essentially. You've had the, I guess the spiritual, what you call it, an awakening.

Lisa 30:34

I guess, yeah, I would probably call it an awakening.

Eric 30:38

So since that moment, you've now, And of course you've had a connection with, these gods and goddesses because of your interest with them. But would you feel like that interest and the spiritual awakening is kind of the two links that you need to have in order to kind of have this thing, work for you? Because I imagine if, you do have A spiritual psychosis and you have a sort of a breakdown, but you're not really familiar with deities of that type. I assume regular people would just be like, oh wow, this is just a crazy thing. But for you, I think it was just a lot easier to connect the two because of your knowledge with that. Would you say that's somewhat correct?

Lisa 31:21

I think it would happen to you in a different way. It would happen to me in a different way. It would happen to him or to her or to anybody else. It's gonna happen and it's gonna come to you in the way that you understand.

Eric 31:37

do you feel that anybody that has had a spiritual psychosis in some form, like. Let's say somebody said that they, heard God's voice or they spoke to Jesus specifically. Do you feel that kind of, empowers them to believe harder, but do you feel that it changes them for a better passage in the sense of, for you, you were seeing this physical growth where you were hitting the shots, you were making the marks, you were doing incredible things that you've never done before. But did that grow you closer in a, I don't wanna say like a religious sense, but more of a spiritual bond.

Lisa 32:12

and that's where like that spiritual psychosis comes in, because you almost feel as if there's something special about you, right? That you have some infinite knowledge that you can give others, where that psychosis comes in. We are like, you become like preachy, there is different ways like it presents, but like one is like being preachy about it or being like, if you look at it like you see people that are like super religious out of nowhere, like you've either done something wrong or you're going through a spiritual psychosis, you're trying to get your, highway to heaven instead of highway to hell. Like, but yeah, mine was definitely a mind fuck, like mind trip.

Eric 33:11

since you've had. Spiritual psychosis, and you've experienced these things, from then to now, do you feel like you're still, connected to that deeply? I'm sure that from that timeframe to now that things have changed, your child's grown up, your relationship has kind of bloomed, you've, you're living a completely different life than you were back then. Do you still feel that bond?

Lisa 33:40

No. No. it's almost as if like you sort of lost something, like you don't, know, once the voice went away, it was very depressing. but at that point I was doing therapy and so I guess it was almost like a survival technique for my brain to do that and become my own therapist because I didn't have anything.

Eric 34:13

Yeah, you were protecting yourself. You were healing yourself, for yourself without having the therapist. And that's where, I guess that's where the psychosis and the quote unquote break of the mind comes in. But, I just think it's fascinating that. That's what you heard was, you know, the voice of this goddess and these connections you've adored for quite some time, and that kind of carried you to, to a pretty good place. And I imagine losing that connection, it's kind of like losing a part of yourself. am I wrong in saying that?

Lisa 34:48

No, you're absolutely right. the connection was so strong and it's like amazing to feel it, but yeah, I do still have connection, but it. Manifests in different ways, I still get crazy pattern recognition things. animals now, like I had a pet squirrel during the fucking, spiritual psychosis. Okay.

Eric 35:18

Oh, I didn't know squirrels could be pets.

Lisa 35:20

I didn't know that they could be pets either, but. I had a wild, like I could send you videos. Would sit next to me and he'd eat nuts and he'd just chill. and we'd be just chilling on my porch, It was weird. but like, not just one, two squirrels.

Eric 35:42

two squirrels.

Lisa 35:43

Yeah. My

Eric 35:44

Oh.

Lisa 35:44

of them, passed away I think. Like he never came back. And then there was another one that came had her for a while and then she left. But I had him for

Eric 35:57

Hmm.

Lisa 35:57

two, three years. He was around.

Eric 35:59

That's impressive.

Lisa 36:00

Yeah, and the neighbors used to look at me like I was nuts.

Eric 36:04

Ironic.

Lisa 36:04

I dunno. this is my, this is my reality. But yeah, so was just like, I, it, the connection, is there sometimes, but not definitely nowhere near as strong as it was everything was happening.

Eric 36:20

Do you, in those small connections, the little things that you still receive, is it more of a spark of joy of the moments that you had before where you know, you really felt connected? Or does it kind of bring you a little sense of like, maybe dredge or you're hesitant to kind of connect with it because of what it symbolizes and what you went through? To kinda get to that, the spiritual psychosis point.

Lisa 36:45

I think. It makes me feel good that I still have a somewhat of a connection, but it doesn't give me any dread, like I'm falling into the same pattern or something, I don't get the feeling of like, oh no, I'm falling back into this depression. Like, it's not,

Eric 37:04

Yeah.

Lisa 37:05

not like that at all.

Eric 37:07

Oh good.

Lisa 37:08

No, no.

Eric 37:08

Yeah.

Lisa 37:09

Yeah.

Eric 37:12

Lisa, I feel like we just scratched the surface of it, right. I think it is, an incredible topic to talk on. You were, I don't think that you are the only one that's ever dealt with this, but I also believe that you are a very amazing rare situation where. A lot of people that I've read on that had spiritual psychosis, it's a breaking point for them. It's a devastating point for them. But for you, it was a turning point of pride, empowerment, and taking back your life. And I think that is a very important lesson to take away from what we talked about. If I can ask if there's anyone listening who's dealt with, a spiritual psychosis issue, or maybe they've gone through peripartum, what's something that you'd like them to know about if it's like early on stages for them? What's some advice that you could give them?

Lisa 38:01

the moment you are crying for no reason or you can't understand why you're depressed, get help, like going into, an awakening like that. it's not something that has to happen, like you can heal yourself without having to fall into that, get help, go to a therapist, get on medication, and start doing things that make you happy,

38:41

A huge thank you to Lisa for sharing such a personal and vulnerable story. Conversations like this help break the stigma surrounding mental health, postpartum struggles, and the experiences many people suffer through in silence. One of the biggest takeaways from today's conversation is simple: If something doesn't feel right, reach out for help. Whether it's depression, anxiety, feelings of disconnection, or experiences that make you question your reality, support is available and recovery is possible. If this episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with somebody who may need to hear it. And if you'd like to support the show, leave a review, subscribe, and follow Here for You wherever you get your podcasts. Until next time, take care of yourselves and take care of each other, and I look forward to talking to you in the next one.